It sometimes take quite a while for someone to realize that he was wrong, in my case it is a couple of years. All through this time and since we parted I used to contemplate a lot on what went wrong, and how messy things turned out to be in the end. Between me and myself I blamed you for many things, at sometimes I blamed you for everything, I guess it was my way of trying to justify my anger towards you for everything that went wrong in our relathionship.
Now and as time passed and as I look back with all clarity at what we shared I have to admit that I had my share of blame as well. In the midst of all the ups and downs of our relationship and in between the break ups and the making ups, I lost my understanding for you, I simply got caught up in my own web of mixed emotions and mixed feelings along with my own expectations. Yes you lost your balance because you were so confused about your life and what you were to do with your future as well as our relationship but I guess I just put myself there in that confusion which just made me lose my own balance and my own proper judgement on how to deal with that situation.
I always thought that I understood you and that I was aware of that internal battle you had but I do admit now that I didn’t. I was so involved with what I was feeling and how I was affected by it that I became more judgemental than loving, in that I became a distant person and I belive I started pushing you away either consciously or unconsciously. It was never of my nature to be a harsh person and on that last evening I was. Even though I was hurting inside and even with all the problems we were having I shouldn’t have said what I said or acted how I acted. I should have been more calm and more clear in expressing all my fears and worries as well as all the issues in our relationship that were disturbing me.
I don’t think you will come across this, yet if you do, I am sorry for that night. I am sorry for the way I exploded in your face. You were having your own internal issues to resolve, and battles to fight and I should have simply let myself out in a much calmer way, even though I was hurt by many things that occured due to that confussion you had. I am sorry for any hurt I might have made you feel, and I do hope that you have found the peace of mind you always longed for……